June 7, 2008, From the Abbotsford News, by Ledgeview's Esteemed Journalist, James "AKA Pam" Anderson

As we begin the countdown to the U.S. Open, we are perhaps less concerned about Tiger’s left knee and Phil’s erratic driver than we are about Ledgeview’s own Nick Taylor.

As everyone knows by now, Nick won a sectional qualifier and will go to Torrey Pines to play with the big boys. Best of luck to Ledgeview’s latest wunderkind; we’ll all be watching with great interest. The way Nick has been playing, don’t bet against him making the cut.

Tiger, on the other hand, is recovering from arthroscopic surgery and won’t be 100 percent. I therefore don’t expect him to win by more than five shots at a course he absolutely owns.

Golf is a funny game. Not funny ha-ha, but funny queer. I’ve been playing so poorly I had hoped someone would steal my clubs. I’ve been leaving them on my front lawn overnight, but no luck. Every morning they’re still there. Then I went to the driving range, adjusted my stance by sticking out my derriere at little more and started smoking the ball. I’ve always known my brains were located in that area of my body, but who would have suspected there was also room for my golf swing?

LEDGEVIEWS: Recent big winners include Mike Howard and Bill McCullough, who were victorious in the VIP tournament. Mike must be tired from carrying Bill though, as the latter in an exclusive interview explained to me in his native Gaelic tongue how he five-putted the 15th green. At least I think that’s what he told me.

In the “Husband and Wife” tournament, the winners were Jake Goetz and Pauline Clairoux. I don’t know when these two were married but maybe somebody should tell their spouses.